Okay, we’ve talked about a lot of things and perhaps your head is spinning right now…You may wondering where to start, what to do next, etc.. So in the last section I hope to give you a step-by-step action plan that you can start putting to use right away… Sound good?
Here we go…
#1 – Go and speak to your spouse TODAY.
Don’t mull this one over too long. I didn’t promise you this stuff would be easy, and this step is obviously no exception to that. But if you want to be reconciled to your spouse, you’re going to need to take the initiative.
Did you get that?
YOU Are Going To NEED To Take The Initiative.
Here’s what you should plan on saying to your spouse –
Tell your spouse that you know you’ve been a big part of why things have gone sour in your marriage, and that you are sorry for the hurt you’ve caused. And then ask if they would forgive you (see MEAP #6 for more information)…
Tell your spouse that you are committed to her. That despite past offenses and wrongs between you two, that you remain and will remain committed until death do you part. Tell your spouse that you recognize the future may not always be smooth but that you believe the road traveled together is better than the one traveled alone.
#2 – Forgive and forget their past offenses.
This is a crucial step and one you can’t skimp out on. In order to be reconciled, you’re going to have to let go of any feelings of resentment you may have about past offenses or wrongs your spouse has done to you.
And you’re going to need to do this regardless of whether or not your spouse has sought your forgiveness on the matter.
Listen I recognize that is not easy to do. I don’t expect you’ll be able to just decide you’re going to do this and then 5 minutes later feel no negativity to your spouse. That would be naïve of me to think, and I don’t expect that.
But you need to begin the process. In your mind at least, you need to tell yourself (and your spouse if you wish) that you’re forgiving your spouse. That you may not *feel* like forgiving him, but that you are committed to working that through and seeing that through.
Why? Because you recognize that you too have done wrong things, you too have contributed to where your marriage is today. And because reconciliation and a healthy marriage is a much better way to live than isolation and a cold marriage.
Depending where you are in the forgiveness process, this one may be harder than step #1. It’s possible your feelings are going to tell you NOT to do this, but this is a case where you really need to be governed by your intellect and not your emotions.
#3 – Start rebuilding your relationship.
Once you’ve asked for forgiveness and started forgiving your spouse, it’s time to start rebuilding your marriage. Try to become better friends again. I recommend keeping it light at first, remembering to ask your spouse questions about herself each day (see MEAP #4 for helpful hints). Also don’t forget to verbally affirm and encourage them—do this consistently for a few weeks and you will see the closeness and trust bonds start to take shape once again (see MEAP #2 for helpful hints).
Good luck my friend, and do not lose heart. Yes it may be rough in the beginning and it may feel like an uphill battle for a while, but what you have here is a solid plan for reversing the direction of your marriage. Be consistent, be persistent, and take the initiative my friend… You can do this.
Go get ‘em.
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