If that’s you, I got news for ‘ya…

YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY, MY FRIEND!

Marriage advice is something nearly all husbands and wives look for at some point.  Listen, even the strongest marriages alive have or have had marriage problems to some extent.  There is no perfect marriage — there is no such thing.  And any strong and healthy marriage is only strong and healthy because there was real work put into it (and in most cases continues to be).

So for goodness sake, if you’re in need of some marriage advice you are not alone.  Join the club!

Incidentally, getting marriage advice does not mean you have to go and talk to a counselor with your spouse.  Of course that’s usually a good option provided your spouse is on the same page with you with regard to counseling.  But there are other ways…

Getting marriage advice can simply mean talking to an accredited counselor online one, maybe two times.  That’s it.  With or without your spouse.  No big deal.

If you think this sort of online marriage counseling might be useful to you, have a look at my list of recommended marriage counselors…

Huh?!?!

Marriage problems are a normal part of *any* marriage where two people are learning to love each other better. Even the healthiest and strongest of marriages experience some marriage problems at some point. As I’ve said in other spots, a healthy marriage isn’t just born…it’s made. And sometimes the way to make a healthy marriage is to press through the problems and trials.

Of course no one likes to experience marriage problems. Just because they are relatively normal doesn’t mean they are easy to deal with. On the contrary, marriage problems can be very difficult to cope with…which is why the marriage counseling industry exists.

Marriage counseling does not have to be so formal. Sure, there is the traditional counseling where a husband and wife goes together…and there’s value in that. But seeing a marriage counselor can also mean talking to a professional counselor one or two times online. And you don’t have to be with your spouse to do it…

If you feel like you’re experiencing some marriage problems and could benefit from talking to a counselor, I do recommend you check out the page below where I’ve listed my top two recommended counselors. Both of them know what they are talking about, have real life experience, and can definitely help you.

Meet My Recommended Online Marriage Counselors…

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but a pretty good percentage of couples with strong marriage participated in some form of marriage counselling at some period in the marriage (and you thought everyone who tried marriage counselling got divorced, didn’t you!).  The point is that healthy marriages don’t just happen…they are not born but rather made.

Perhaps you’re reading this and your marriage is on the strong side.  Maybe there is no problem at all between you and your spouse?  Hey if that’s the case, I am sincerely happy for you!  Nothing in the world is quite as fulfilling as a healthy marital relationship.  But for so many people, I know your marriage could use a little help…even if it’s not big help, most marriages (mine included) leave some room for improvement.  If that describes your situation, then you really should seek some marriage counselling.

You may or may not know this, but marriage counselling does NOT have to involve your husband or wife.  You can just get some online counselling yourself….ask a few questions, get some CLEAR answers…one or two times talking to a counselor.  That’s it!  That’s all it will probably take for many of you.  There are two online marriage counsellors in particular that I recommend.  I know for certain that you’ll come away feeling better about your situation if you talk to one of these two.

See the recommended counselors right here…

You might be surprised at this, but many couples who have the best marriages actually underwent marriage counseling at one point in their marriage (yep, marriage counseling actually works!). Sure, there’s an element of humility in all of it…there’s definitely a “swallow your pride” factor that has to be dealt with. But it is worth it…

I don’t know where you’re at today in your marriage…perhaps things are 100% fine between you and your spouse. If so, great! You are fortunate. For many though, our marriages could use some improvement…and if that’s you reading this, then for goodness sake just admit it.

You’ll feel better.

And make sure you get the help you need…Marriage counseling does not have to be a big ordeal. It does not have to go on forever. And no, you don’t have to involve your spouse if you don’t want to. Heck, it could be as simple as just talking to an accredited counselor online one or two times. Is that really a big deal?

If you feel that online marriage counseling of this sort if something that can help you, I recommend you talk to one of my two recommended counselors. I can guarantee you’ll feel better after you do…

-> Recommended Marriage Counselors…

Are you in a marriage where you’re constantly saying and thinking my wife resents me? I know this is a very stressful thing, because I was there once…and there are tons of other men there now as well.

If you feel your wife resents you, or if she says she resents you, it’s important to realize that this CAN be turned around. But you have to act fast, and you have to do things a certain way. But first you have to…

Understand Why You’re In a Marriage Saying My Wife Resents Me

There are plenty of surface reasons that will cause a wife to begin resenting a husband.

Here’s the deal. If you’re abusive, then I can’t help you with this article. Actually yes I can, I can tell you that you must get help IMMEDIATELY! You need not to worry about how you’ll look to others, you need only to get your wife out of the abusive situation, and help for yourself.

Now if that’s not the issue, then the surface reasons are very likely not the real issues.

What does that mean?

You’ll see very soon.

Most of the time the resentment will show up as something like “you don’t spend enough time with me”, “you don’t treat me special enough”, “you don’t buy me gifts”, etc. etc. All of the usual things that you hear that a husband is supposed to do!

If you’re not spending any time with your wife, and you’re completely neglecting her then there might be some validity there. But for the most part this is not the real reason. It may be what your wife actually FEELS is the reason, but the truth is that what’s more than likely happened is that you’ve seized to be the MAN in her life that she needs.

This will cause feelings of resentment…but here’s the tricky part…she may not even realize it.

This is the thing. Most women don’t realize that down deep, what they need in a man is an alpha male. They’re ultra attracted to this type of man down deep to their core, way back from their cavewoman days. It’s built into their DNA.

But what they’re told by society is that they need a beta man, who kisses their butts and buys them flowers, etc. etc. The thing is that if you’re a man that’s kissing your wife’s butt, and your not being the type of alpha male that they NEED then they still will resent you.

It can be very confusing for everyone involved, but ultimately the answer is to become the alpha male that she ultimately down deep to her core truly wants. That will not only end you having to say my wife resents me, but will have your wife nearly worshiping you, basically becoming more attracted to you than ever before.

But how do you turn into this MAN that your wife wants you to be, and what is that exactly? How do you get to a point where you’re no longer saying my wife resents me?

Here we go…

#1 – Go and speak to your spouse TODAY.

Don’t mull this one over too long.  I didn’t promise you this stuff would be easy, and this step is obviously no exception to that.  But if you want to be reconciled to your spouse, you’re going to need to take the initiative.

Did you get that?

YOU Are Going To NEED To Take The Initiative.

Here’s what you should plan on saying to your spouse –

• Ask For Forgiveness –

Tell your spouse that you know you’ve been a big part of why things have gone sour in your marriage, and that you are sorry for the hurt you’ve caused.  And then ask if they would forgive you (see MEAP #6 for more information)…

• Express Your Commitment –

Tell your spouse that you are committed to her.  That despite past offenses and wrongs between you two, that you remain and will remain committed until death do you part.  Tell your spouse that you recognize the future may not always be smooth but that you believe the road traveled together is better than the one traveled alone.

#2 – Forgive and forget their past offenses.

This is a crucial step and one you can’t skimp out on.  In order to be reconciled, you’re going to have to let go of any feelings of resentment you may have about past offenses or wrongs your spouse has done to you.

And you’re going to need to do this regardless of whether or not your spouse has sought your forgiveness on the matter.

Listen I recognize that is not easy to do.  I don’t expect you’ll be able to just decide you’re going to do this and then 5 minutes later feel no negativity to your spouse.  That would be naïve of me to think, and I don’t expect that.

But you need to begin the process.  In your mind at least, you need to tell yourself (and your spouse if you wish) that you’re forgiving your spouse.  That you may not *feel* like forgiving him, but that you are committed to working that through and seeing that through.

Why?  Because you recognize that you too have done wrong things, you too have contributed to where your marriage is today.  And because reconciliation and a healthy marriage is a much better way to live than isolation and a cold marriage.

Depending where you are in the forgiveness process, this one may be harder than step #1.  It’s possible your feelings are going to tell you NOT to do this, but this is a case where you really need to be governed by your intellect and not your emotions.

#3 – Start rebuilding your relationship.

Once you’ve asked for forgiveness and started forgiving your spouse, it’s time to start rebuilding your marriage.  Try to become better friends again.  I recommend keeping it light at first, remembering to ask your spouse questions about herself each day (see MEAP #4 for helpful hints).  Also don’t forget to verbally affirm and encourage them—do this consistently for a few weeks and you will see the closeness and trust bonds start to take shape once again (see MEAP #2 for helpful hints).

Good luck my friend, and do not lose heart.  Yes it may be rough in the beginning and it may feel like an uphill battle for a while, but what you have here is a solid plan for reversing the direction of your marriage.  Be consistent, be persistent, and take the initiative my friend…  You can do this.

Go get ‘em.

Free Marriage Articles (Start)…

As any parent will attest to, children can be…well, overwhelming!  They demand your attention….NOW.  They really can become all-consuming rather quickly…so much so that many married couples will often unknowingly structure their relationship and even their lives around their children.

Ummmm, don’t do this.

For a few reasons really…  Let me list a few of them –

#1 – If you make your children the center of your family, your kids will likely become spoiled brats.

#2 – If you make your children the center of your family, your sending a message to your spouse that her needs are subservient to the needs of the kids.

#3 – If you make your children the center of your family, you’re going to be really lonely one day when they grow up and leave.

Seriously, that last point is huge…Too many married couples barely get by for years because their lives center around their children.  And then when the children leave they have no one to center their lives around.  The result?  Emptiness.  Bitterness.  Depression.  Divorce.

By contrast, if you make your spouse the center of your family, you’re communicating a wonderful message to both your spouse as well as your children – that the relationship mom and dad have is important, and that a healthy marriage is a priority.

Next article…

Is this possible?  As I say, in a literal sense it’s not really possible to forget they ever occurred…the mind is a pretty powerful and any experience or event that is emotional is often remembered indefinitely.  So if this isn’t possible literally, just what am I suggesting you to do here?

Good question, I’m glad you asked…

What I mean here is that, for all intents and purposes, you need to act as if that past wrong never occurred.  You see, once you forgive someone, you need to not count that wrong against them any longer.  I know many couples who like to keep score…  He wronged me 5 times, I only wronged him 4 times…etc….  But once your spouse has apologized to you, you are to forgive them completely….entirely.  And that includes acting as if they never committed that wrong to begin with.

What are the practical implications of doing this?  Well, probably the most obvious one is that you will never be bringing this past offense up to your spouse ever again, especially in the context of a fight or argument.  It’s very common for a spouse with a grudge to remind the other partner of a past wrong or offense in the heat of an argument…  But I probably don’t have to tell you that nothing good ever comes from this…in fact, usually it just escalates a situation that much more and that much quicker.

So how in the world do you do this?  Well, you need to make a commitment to your spouse to forget any wrong they’ve done that they’ve confessed to you about…And how do you make this commitment?  Tell them.  Tell them that you know neither of you are perfect and that you’ve accepted the fact that there may be some offenses on both sides in the days of head.  But also tell them that you are committed to working through these offenses, and that you are committed to not just forgiving but also forgetting…That you’re committed to not throwing his past mistakes back in his face….  Try doing this and your spouse will more than likely reciprocate…

Next article…

If you screw up with all of the other MEAPs and UMBAs…if you keep on doing things that ultimately hurt your marriage, all is not lost…  You can get your spouse to forgive you, you just need to ask…

Please notice the way I worded that last sentence!  I didn’t say that in order to get your spouse to forgive you, you just need to say something..No, I said you need to ask something.  And what exactly are you asking for?  To be forgiven, of course!

Asking for forgiveness is not easy, and it requires real humility and brokenness.  But if you want to save your marriage and turn it around, you’re going to need to “get on your knees”.  That’s just the way it is my friend.  Actually to say that asking for forgiveness is “not easy” is really an understatement.  Our pride (ego!) can seriously get in the way of us doing this.  Even if we know down deep that we’ve screwed up, verbalizing that and being at someone else’s mercy is a humbling position to be in…it just is.  And it’s not always comfortable, I know… But it is necessary.

So how do you practically do this?  Well first of all, you need to do more than simply saying “I’m sorry” to your spouse.  Try this on for size…

Pretend you’ve just lost it with your spouse (let’s call her Sarah) and cursed her out.  You ranted and raved and made a bad scene, all because she wanted you to do something that you didn’t feel like doing.  Not only that, your screams were loud enough to wake up the baby and your 6 year old…  Now she won’t talk to you.

Here’s something you could try…

“Sarah, I know you’re angry at me right now and I understand.  What I did before was completely unacceptable and wrong.  I have nothing to say to defend myself, only to ask for your forgiveness and pledge my commitment to you not to let that happen again.  I’m very sorry and I’m begging for your forgiveness.”

Can you picture yourself saying those words?  Does that sound difficult to say?  If it does, rest assured that you’re correct—it is difficult to say those things.  But then again, if you’ve really screwed up (we all do) and you know you’ve really screwed up (half the battle), you need to do this.  Not asking for forgiveness when we’ve knowingly wronged our spouse only allows negative feelings to fester.

Annoyance turns into anger, anger into disgust, disgust into dislike, and dislike into hatred.  Don’t allow it to get that far (you’re in control!).

Now I know some of you are thinking….”But there’s no way my spouse would respond positively if I asked for forgiveness like that.  It wouldn’t make a difference at all.”  And to you I would say…

Try it.  Seriously.  Try it.  Now like all of the other strategies I’ve outlined, I’m not saying this is going to be a panacea and cure all of your marital woes.  Truth be told, your spouse may allow those negative feelings to fester and not forgive you right away (or in some cases at all).  But more than likely she will choose to forgive you when you humble yourself like this.  Now you may have to ask for her forgiveness more than once (repetition isn’t a bad thing, it lets her know you have real remorse), but chances are she’ll come around.

One other practical tip before we move on…  When you ask for forgiveness, ask to be forgiven for something specific.  Don’t try the “please forgive me for all the wrongs I’ve ever done” approach.  This rings shallow and insincere.  Rather, talk about your offense(s) and mistakes by name.  This shows your spouse that you understand exactly what it is that made her so upset.

Next article…

First of all, let’s define what we’re talking about here in layman’s terms… More than anything else, manufacturing trust and security is about creating a safe place for your spouse.  Notice the carefully-chosen phrase there – a safe place for your spouse.

Your spouse needs to feel comfortable and secure in your marriage—comfortable that she can share anything with you, that you will love her regardless of what’s shared, and that you can be trusted to keep her words in confidence.

So, like many of the MEAPs we’ve discussed, cultivating trust and security starts by what you say…

Specifically, you need to verbally communicate two important things to your spouse in order to best cultivate trust and security:

• You recognize that trust and security haven’t been there in the past, but that you’re committed to establishing that as a priority going forward.

Don’t be afraid to be specific at this point – if you need to call out blame upon yourself for things you’ve done which have broken the trust bond, do it.  You want to convey to your spouse that you understand the current trust/security status is problematic and that you are willing to do what it takes to restore that.

• You are committed to being an advocate and a help for your spouse.

Oftentimes when a marriage has gone awry, a husband or wife tends to think the other spouse is somehow “out to get them” – that that spouse exists for no other reason than to make life miserable for the other partner.

Now I know that if you’re reading this book then this is not the case…  But ‘ya know what?  Your spouse doesn’t know that…  So while it may be difficult to do, you need to tell them that and set their expectations accordingly.

Listen to me – if your spouse things you are somehow “out to get them” but you really don’t feel that way, then don’t let another day go by without applying this MEAP to your marriage.  Okay?

Okay, let’s now move on to what I honestly think is the most valuable section…

Next article…