Trust and security are bedrocks of healthy marriages. But what to do if trust and security are all but gone in your marriage? You need a way to get it back, to manufacture it like it were some sort of chemical… This MEAP will give you some pointers on how to do just that…
First of all, let’s define what we’re talking about here in layman’s terms… More than anything else, manufacturing trust and security is about creating a safe place for your spouse. Notice the carefully-chosen phrase there – a safe place for your spouse.
Your spouse needs to feel comfortable and secure in your marriage—comfortable that she can share anything with you, that you will love her regardless of what’s shared, and that you can be trusted to keep her words in confidence.
So, like many of the MEAPs we’ve discussed, cultivating trust and security starts by what you say…
Specifically, you need to verbally communicate two important things to your spouse in order to best cultivate trust and security:
Don’t be afraid to be specific at this point – if you need to call out blame upon yourself for things you’ve done which have broken the trust bond, do it. You want to convey to your spouse that you understand the current trust/security status is problematic and that you are willing to do what it takes to restore that.
Oftentimes when a marriage has gone awry, a husband or wife tends to think the other spouse is somehow “out to get them” – that that spouse exists for no other reason than to make life miserable for the other partner.
Now I know that if you’re reading this book then this is not the case… But ‘ya know what? Your spouse doesn’t know that… So while it may be difficult to do, you need to tell them that and set their expectations accordingly.
Listen to me – if your spouse things you are somehow “out to get them” but you really don’t feel that way, then don’t let another day go by without applying this MEAP to your marriage. Okay?
Okay, let’s now move on to what I honestly think is the most valuable section…