UMBA #1 – Have Hope That Your Situation Will Change

When a marriage is reeling, spouses tend to start entertaining two emotions that spiral them further downward…

Say hello to panic and despair…

I know, it’s easy to let these two creeps set in.  But let me give you some good reasons why you shouldn’t let that happen –

1. Panic and despair don’t help you when you’re trying to save your marriage.  Quite the contrary, they often lead you respond in an “extreme” or severe manner.
2. Panic and despair eat at you mentally, emotionally, and even physiologically.  Yes, panic and despair are bad for your health!
3. When we’re in panic mode, we’re not thinking clearly – we are prone to make mistakes and exercise bad judgment.

So how do you slay these two beasts?  Simple.  Think soberly about your situation.  Specifically, you need to have hope that your situation can change and that it will change!

But why should you?

Is this just the power of positive thinking or some other BS psychology trick I’m advocating here?  C’mon, like I told you before…I’m not a professional marriage counselor, so I’m not going to be recommending anything stupid like that (whoops, did I just say that?)!

So let me give you some real reasons why you should have real hope that your marriage can will change…

1. Having hope will help you block out the noise and keep your mind focused on what you must do to salvage your marriage.
2. Having hope will help you cope with the negativity that is often present in a troubled marriage.
3. You should have hope because there really is hope for your marriage.

And just to expound on that last point for a minute, I want to share with you a quick story…

A few years back I personally knew a couple whose marriage was on its last leg.  Despite having been married for over twenty years with two adult children, these two were “drifting apart” (does that sound familiar?), or so I had heard…

Then I came to find out the truth—that the husband had cheated on his wife and had an affair with another woman for over a year.  Obviously the wife was crushed.  Devastated.  20+ years of a healthy marriage down the tubes…

Or so it seemed.

With the help of some caring friends, the husband became convicted that what he had done was wrong.  Very wrong.  So do you know what he did?  He humbled himself.  He went and pleaded with his wife that she not divorce him.  He asked her for forgiveness.  Basically he put himself at the mercy of his wife.  And while it was not at all easy or quick, over time the wife forgave him.

The result?  I can tell you today with confidence that this couple is closer than they ever were.

Now I know some of you may be thinking that the wife was crazy not to divorce him, and certainly she had legitimate grounds for doing so (even Biblically speaking).  But she chose to forgive and work through the problems at hand.

Was it easy?  Of course not.  But was it worth it?  Certainly this couple thinks so, especially in light of the alternative (what I like to call the big lie of the 21^st century—more on that later).

But regardless of whether you think the wife is crazy or not, the point is that even the most troubled marriages have hope.  I don’t care what the circumstance, no situation is beyond hope!

Next article…