ACK! I imagine a few of you might be wondering what the heck I mean by the title of this UMBA… Listen, I’m not saying anything that profound here… I’m simply stating the following related facts:
I know some of you are probably thinking that your spouse has done more wrong things than you have. And ‘ya know what? Maybe that’s true…Without knowing you guys personally, I really have no idea. But you need to let that go, at least for now…
Right now I’m only asking you to do something that is (hopefully) fairly straightforward to accept… I’m simply asking you to acknowledge that you have done wrong to your spouse at times…you may have betrayed her confidence, broke a promise, perhaps you even had an affair….
And for those of you thinking you really haven’t done anything wrong to your spouse, let me ask you this…
Have you ever *said* anything to hurt your spouse?
C’mon, be honest… all of us have.
And if you’re reading this book, I know I don’t have to tell you that the old “sticks and stones’ adage is a big LIE. You know the one…
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”
Any married person knows this is complete rubbish… Because not only have we offended, but we’ve been on the other side getting arrows flung at us too, right?
It’s just one of those truths of life – nobody is perfect, and we all do and say mean and hurtful things.
I told you this UMBA was fairly straightforward… 
I want us to move on to the next UMBA, but before we do….. Real quick – I thought I would share with you the following practical exercise. Though it may not be beneficial to all, it will be a help to some of you…especially if you’ve been racked with guilt over past mistakes (been there myself and it’s no fun)…
Go grab a pen and some paper and write down some of mean and hurtful things you’ve done or said to your spouse. Be specific – don’t just write “I screamed at my spouse last Wednesday”, but actually write out what you said.
Do this for at least 3 or 4 things on your mind that you know have hurt your spouse. And then once your done, read what you wrote aloud. It may feel a little weird to do that, but do it! When we read things out loud, the intent and meaning really comes alive. Doing this may help you better understand and feel how your spouse probably felt when you did or said these things.
Okay, now we’re ready to move on…