Okay, I have another earth-shattering revelation for you… Are you ready for this one?
:::::(drum roll please):::::
You and your spouse are very different individuals.
Newsflash! Alert the media! Hehe.. (sorry – I’m getting a bit too giddy here…).
But seriously, even though that point is (very) obvious to you, it’s fundamental to why you need to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Because by default, you often don’t see things the way she does (and if you haven’t noticed, she often doesn’t see things the way you see ‘em either!).
You know how it goes…
You say tomato, she says tuh-mah-toe….
You like pasta with marinara sauce, she likes egg noodles with ketchup (sorry I can’t resist a GoodFellas reference)…
…and on and on it goes!
Now being different from each other isn’t a bad thing – in fact, I would guess that at least one of the reasons why you two were attracted to each other in the first place was because you weren’t exactly the same! Perhaps you saw something in her that you wish you had or vice-versa…
Make no mistake about…Being different from each other—seeing things from a different viewpoint or perspective—is a healthy component of any marriage. Why? Because one person with one perspective can’t see the entire picture… Having a spouse with a different perspective enables you to see things from a different vantage point…
But alas, these differences are causing you problems? Well then you need to make sure you are putting yourself in her shoes….As best you can, it’s important to try to imagine yourself doing the things she’s doing, having to put up with the things she has to put up with (can you say cranky kids?).
As you may already know, putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes is NOT an easy thing to do…it requires a temporary “denial” of what comes naturally to you… and just as radical, it requires you to temporarily “accept” what doesn’t come naturally… Add to this the fact that men and women are also fundamentally different and you can see why this shoe swapping can be so challenging!
But the benefits are real…
When you try to see a situation or circumstance through the eyes of your spouse—including all the auxiliary things that he deals with that contributes to his outlook—then you will undoubtedly be better equipped to empathize him. You may even recognize some attitudes you’ve had in the past that require slight adjustment. At the very least, you will better understand where your spouse is coming from the next time he says something that you don’t agree with…